


Go With The Flow

by kyrrann



Series: Mass Effect Drabbles [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Comedy, Drabble, F/M, Gen, Humor, Shopping, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 16:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7625209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrrann/pseuds/kyrrann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a rather horrifying shopping experience, Garrus spends an evening at the bar.</p><p>MEFF Facebook group drabble challenge. The prompt was "what you don't want to remember" with a character other than Shepard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go With The Flow

“Hey Scars,” James approached Garrus in the bar on the Citadel and sat down next to him. He looked like he had been drinking for a while. “You look like you could use some company. What are you drinking?”

“My pride,” Garrus answered sullenly.

James motioned to the bartender to get them both a drink. After they were served, James pushed Garrus’ drink in front of him and took a sip of his own. “So, what’s going on? Are you and Shepard going through a rough patch or something?”

“Shepard and I are fine,” he replied. “And no, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m trying to drink until I forget. So please, leave me to it.”

“Aw, come on Scars,” he coaxed, “you can tell me. It can’t be that bad.”

Garrus laid his head on the bar. “Yes, yes it is.” After a few moments he sat up and drank the newly delivered drink in one gulp. “Bartender, another!”

“Woah,” James cautioned. “Slow down there, Scars. You’re gonna pass out.”

“That’s the point,” replied Garrus.

“Start talking,” James said. “You know I’m not leaving until I find out, so the faster you tell me, the faster you can get back to forgetting.”

Garrus sighed and took a deep breath. “You’re human,right?”

“Last time I checked,” James replied.

Garrus looked around to make sure nobody is listening in, then whispered. “So you know what…a tampon is?” 

“Uh,” James stared at Garrus. “I’m not sure I want to know what happened anymore.”

“Well, earlier today I was walking around on Zakera Ward, headed for the new shop that opened up. You know, the one that has merchandise in the store and not just a kiosk? Shepard calls it the Piggly Wiggly.”

James nodded. “Yeah, she won’t shut up about it.” Then in a louder voice he said, “But what does that have to do with tampons!?”

“Keep your voice down!” Garrus chastised. “Or I won’t finish the story.”

“All right, all right,” James conceded. “Go on.”

“I got a short message on my omni tool from Shepard that just said _“Can you pick me up some tampons while you are there? A bit of an emergency here. See you back at the apartment!”_

“I didn’t have a clue what a tampon was, but I knew that Shepard needed one and needed one fast. It was an emergency. Finally a chance for me to come to her rescue.”  
  
“You didn’t look it up on the extranet?” James inquired.

“No, but I ran into Zaeed on the way into the store and when I asked him where to find the tampons he just muttered, _‘What? Those things that women use to sop up all that blood? Why in the hell would I know that?’_ and walked off.

Garrus took a swig of his drink and signalled for another.

“After that, I figured I was looking for a first aid kit supplement or something. I couldn’t imagine why she wouldn’t just slap some medi-gel on it. But this is Shepard, so who am I to argue? I marched right on in there and asked the man stocking the shelves if he could recommend a good tampon.”

James snorted halfway through a sip and almost sprayed the contents of his glass out of his nose.

“I told him only the best would do,” Garrus continued.

“Um,” James stammered, not sure what else to say.

Garrus continued. “Not only was the poor man speechless but when I finally found the damn things no one could tell me which one was actually better. And I asked everyone I saw their opinion. I mean, there are so many different kinds. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why there were so many...regular, super, ultra and even one marked gentle glide, whatever the hell that means.”

James, barely able to contain his laughter asked, “So, what did you do?”

“What any self respecting Turian with a human girlfriend would do. I tested them,” he answered.

“You _tested_ them?” James asked incredulously.

“I grabbed a few boxes and headed over to the drinking fountain in the back of the shop. At first I couldn’t figure them out, but once I got them out of those plastic containers, it was game on. In front of the entire store, I proceeded to test how much water each would hold, even squeezing them out to see if I could get them to hold more. When I was done, I took the winning box to the clerk and bought it.”

“You did say you wanted the best. I’d say mission accomplished,” said James, making a futile attempt to console him.

“When I got back to the apartment, I told her about all the stress testing I put them through. Then I asked her why she needed something to absorb blood when she has so much access to medi-gel. She couldn’t stop laughing. And worse,” he added, gulping his drink, “when she gathered her composure, she told me what they were really used for. It was horrific.” Garrus sighed. “I don’t know how you humans live like this.”

“Not me,” James replied. “But it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Part of the miracle of life and all that.”

Garrus laid his head on the bar again.

“Aw, just try not to think about it, Scars,” James said soothingly. “I’m sure people hardly noticed you calibrating the tampons.”

“If you don’t mind, I’m just going to sit here drinking until I can’t remember my own name,” Garrus stated matter-of-factly.

“Then I’ll leave you to it,” James remarked as he stood up.

“James,” called Garrus, head still on the bar.

“Yes?”

“This mission is strictly classified,” Garrus cautioned, "you understand?”

“Of course,” James turned, hiding his smile.  As he started to walk away he looked towards his Turian friend and said, “Oh, by the way Garrus, next time you are at the store, can you pick me up some suppositories?”

 


End file.
